Blood on my Hands
by blackravens4
Summary: I never thought that the world hated me. I was always the top student; I even had the best boyfriend I could ever want. Had. The word that haunts me. Why me? What have I ever done? But, I cannot change the past; I can only embrace the future.


_**Heyya! This is my Jara one-shot! Hope you like it! P.S. there isn't a specific time this happened in my story; I just wanted to write this. Please review! Oh and special thanks to smokepelt for helping me with the idea and GleekCow13 for being my beta :)**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own HOA**

Mara's POV

**I never thought that the world hated me. I was always the top student; I even had the best boyfriend I could ever want. _Had._ The word that haunts me. Why me? What have I ever done? But, I cannot change the past; I can only embrace the future. A sad, cold, lonely future destined for me for eternity. I didn't deserve this. No one deserves this. It has left a scar on me that will _never_ go away… but everyone says "Never Say Never". But in this case, never is the right word to use.**

~ Thursday ~ Still Mara's POV

"Hey Mara, want to walk to school with me?" Mick asks me.

"Sure. Let me get ready." I reply. I finish packing my schoolbag and I head out the door with Mick. We take the long way to school, a path that briefly leads into the forest. We're holding hands and I am trying to teach him how physics work. _Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his brain._ I just shrug it off.

"Who do we have here?" A chilling-to-the-bone voice calls from behind us. We turn around and I scream as Mick walks behind me. _Wow… wouldn't you think he would put me behind him?_ The thought barely finishes before Rufus Zeno's voice cuts the silence between us.

"Step closer little girl. I need to speak with you." He says, his blue eyes giving off a dangerous glare.

I nervously walk forward. Mick doesn't even try to stop me. Rufus gets impatient and practically pulls me farther.

"Take this knife and stab that boy in the heart. Fail to comply and you both die. Now GO!" he whispers.

I take the knife in my shaking hands. I look at the ground at my feet to see some yellow daises moving with the breeze. I look at Mick. I start to cry heavily. I walk towards him with the knife behind my back and cry even harder with each step. He looks at me with wonder, nothing more. I am within arms length of him. I turn around to see Rufus glaring impatiently.

I quickly face Mick again, afraid of the way his eyes give off hatred. I look at the ground to see more yellow daisies swaying in the breeze. I take a dramatic gulp and look at Mick again. He is getting very scared now. Every second I look at him feels like an hour. I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to do this. I _can't_ do this. But I have to. If I don't, Mick would die anyway. And so would I. He had his life ahead of him! I inhale deeply and exhale. I stop crying for a few seconds, but the tears pour down my face once again.

"I'm sorry. I love you so much and I'm sorry," I say.

"For wha-" I cut him off by piercing his heart with the knife. He falls and so do I. "I'm sorry," I repeat.

"So much emotion. Now give me back the knife, girl!" Rufus demands.

"Why did you make me do that?" I ask, as rage engulfs me. _Soon it will be sadness._ At the thought, my rage burns a little softer and is replaced with sorrow. But when he speaks, it burns fiercer than it ever has in my whole life.

"Didn't you hear me? GIVE ME THE KNIFE! Or else."

"Or else what! I will give you the knife after you answer my question! WHY did you make me do that!?" I shout, feeling a mixture of remorse, hatred, and resentment.

"Fine. I'll tell you. That boy was a friend of Nina's, was he not?"

"Yes. He was."

"And now that he is dead, Nina will get sad. When she is sad, her guard will go down and then I can finally bring her down. I told you what you want now give me back the knife."

I take the knife out of Mick's body. It is covered in his blood. _That's not the only blood it will be covered with._ I stand up, planning to pretend to give him the knife but instead quickly stabbing him in the heart.

"You know, that could have been you. Nina likes you better. But why did I make you kill him and not vice versa? Well, you loved him. He, well… he could care less about what happened to you. He only liked you for your brains! You did everything for him and what did he do in return? Nothing." Rufus sneers.

"SHUT UP! He loved me! He did… I know he did."

"No, he didn't. Now just give me the knife or I'll kill you too."

I hand out the knife to him. I soften my expression before looking at him so he doesn't expect me to attack him. I start crying hot, wet tears. He walks over to me and reaches for the knife. I quickly move it away from his grasp and push it hard into his chest. He struggles to take out his gun, but he falls before he can get it. I stab him again to make sure he is truly dead. I drop the knife and run straight back to Anubis house.

I enter the door and scour the area. I don't see Trudy, and Victor is in his office sleeping. I slowly and quietly go up the stairs. I go to the bathroom and I lock the door. I fall to the floor with a quiet thump. I burst into tears and I look at my hands. _Blood. Everywhere. Mick's blood was on the ground, on the yellow daisies, on my hands. Blood on my hands. Mick's blood on my hands._ I shudder at the thought and quickly wash my hands. _Rufus is dead. He can't hurt us anymore… can't hurt me anymore._ I run to my room and cry myself to sleep.

~ A few Minutes Later ~ Jerome's POV

The school bell already rang and I see no sign of Mara or Mick. The teacher seemed to notice too.

"Has anyone seen Mara and Mick today?" the teacher asks.

"They were walking to school together last I saw them," Patricia replies.

"I'll call Victor and let him check for the two of them," the teacher says.

"No. I'll look for them," I announce.

"You will be missing class time and I will have to mark you absent."

"I don't care. I just want to make sure Mara is safe. …Err Mara _and_ Mick are safe."

"Fine. Go. But come straight back to school after you find them," the teacher says, dismissing me. I put my books in my locker and walk out of school.

I head to the house first. I open up the doors to Anubis house. I open up Mick and Fabian's door. It's empty.

I then go upstairs and check Patricia and Mara's bedroom. I turn the handle. _Locked._

"Mara, open the door. Please," I plead.

I hear no response. I knock on the door. Again, there is no response. I sneak around the house and go through the front door to the outside. I get the ladder that is resting against the wall. I prop it up next to where Mara's window should be. I climb up the ladder and look through the window. I see Mara sleeping on her bed. I tap on the window. Mara doesn't even stir. I knock harder. Mara still doesn't hear me. I then try to open the window and find it unlocked. I climb through it and go to wake up Mara. I walk to her side and I see black eyeliner running down her face.

"Mara?" I whisper. Mara opens her eyes and looks at me. She shudders and more tears run down her face.

"Mara, what happened? Where's Mick?" I ask soothingly. At the sound of Mick's name, even more tears pour down her face. "Mara can you answer me please?"

"J-Jerome I–I–I was walking with Mi–Mick and a guy… Rufus Zeno…" I suddenly tense when I hear the name. "… came behind us and ordered me to k–kill Mick. He gave me a kn–knife and I had to. We both would've died if I d-d-didn't. I couldn't. But I did. Then I sn–snuck up on Zeno and st–st–stabbed him. He's dead. And I came back here and y-you found me," Mara finished.

I lay down next to her and I can smell her strawberry shampoo and conditioner scent from her hair. I take a deep breath. "Mara, you killed two people. How are we gonna hide this?" I ask.

Mara's POV

"Mara, you killed two people. How are we gonna hide this?" Jerome asks. _He said we. He really does care about me. Maybe Zeno was right. And Patricia. And basically everyone else was right about Mick. He was just using me. But Jerome, he truly cares about me._

"I don't know," I finally say, giving up. "They will found out sooner or later. My fingerprints were on the knife."

"Well, we should get back to school. Think you can manage the rest of the school day without crying?" Jerome teases.

"Wanna bet?" I dare.

"Alright. If you lose, you can't study for two whole tests." He bets.

"And if YOU lose, you have to study with me and do ALL of the homework and studying I do for the rest of the tests for this school year," I bet.

"Deal," he says, shaking my hand.

We head off to school and I pretend to act like I have no idea where he is. I would only say he went out for a run before school started, and that I had to get something from my room back in Anubis house.

I return to Anubis house with Jerome. Of course, I won the bet. Jerome is no match for me in bets. He makes it too easy as if he wants me to win. So now, for the rest of the year, Jerome has to study with me for every remaining test we have. I almost forgot about the whole Mick incident until I stepped into the house. Jerome and I hear crying and we walk towards Amber who's been crying so hard her makeup and hair is all messed up. I can see a tissue box with a bunch of tissues in a big clump next to her.

"Amber, are you okay? I ask her.

"No. Mi–Mick di–died… He was stabbed in the heart. Rufus Zeno was also found next to him dead," Amber stutters.

I start to cry, because I am truly sad, now that I remember what happened earlier today.

"Oh Amber… this is terrible. Can I have a tissue please?" I ask as she hands me a clean tissue. I blow my nose on it. I lean into Jerome's chest and I eventually stop crying as he embraces me. Amber doesn't even notice I do this, and she continues to cry.

"We need to go Amber. I need to help Jerome study for our upcoming test. We'll see you later," I say, sniffling as Jerome and I scurry out of the room. In our haste, I practically trip over Amber's shoes. We run up the stairs and head into my room. Luckily Patricia isn't there.

As promised, I make Jerome study with me. I decided not to kill him for the first study session so we only studied the 32 vocabulary words. It took over an hour, but Jerome managed to get 24 out of the 32 correct. I decided to stop the session to let Jerome get used to my study session and eventually get more and more studying out of it. _I don't know why, but studying makes me feel better. It's like I'm getting over the fact that Mick is dead… Mick._ At the mention of his name, a huge hole opens up in my chest. _I don't know if I can go on in life… I killed an innocent man. If only I had taken a different route to school…_

~ Two Days Later ~ Mara's POV

I wake up to my annoying alarm clock. _One more day for them to find out what happened, and one more day away from 'The Incident'._ I hear a knock on the door. I get out of bed and open the door.

"What?" I ask sleepily and angrily. It seems that I must've offended him.

"Well, I was checking on you. It's Saturday and all you have been doing this whole weekend… well, I think you can answer that for me," he said in a mocking tone.

I let out a sigh. "Jerome, I'm sorry. I've been really stressed since…" I trail off.

He opens up his arms and I hug him. _Jerome is treating me very nicely. Why is he doing this? He doesn't like me… does he? No. He can't. I'm completely different._ I feel a tremendous amount of guilt wash over me. I pull away from Jerome. "Thanks for being my friend… but I want to be alone." I close the door but his foots stops the door.

"This isn't healthy Mara," _I love it when he says my name. It has the cutest ring to it, so unlike when Mick said it… _"You are coming with me. I have a surprise for you."

I start to protest but he puts his finger on my lips and closes the door. "Get changed… into anything. We are going to take a stroll."

I quickly change into a casual outfit- a long white blouse and some partially faded jeans. I quickly run to the girls' bathroom and brush my hair. _Hair looks average. But my face is unusually pale… I need to forget about the incident._ I rummage through Amber's makeup bag that she left sitting on the floor and find a nice color of blush. I hastily smear it across my face and walk downstairs. I see Jerome with a goofy smirk and a large… bag?

"What is that… thing… for?" I ask.

"This _bag_, Mara, is a surprise." Jerome replies. "Now let's go. We don't want Patricia making any comments about my _bag_ now do we?"

I roll my eyes and we walk out the door. Jerome leads us to a nice place far away from the forest. He sits down and pulls a large blanket out of the bag. _Is the famous trouble-making Jerome Clark really setting up a picnic?_ Apparently, my guess is wrong. He then fishes out two large pillows and a… you would never guess this… a _chemistry_ book. I laugh and he turns to me, his beautiful blue eyes catching the sunlight and making them sparkle and shine. He catches me staring and smiles- an actual smile instead of the usual smirk. I smile back and sit on the blanket with him. Instead of studying, we start talking. My head is resting on his arm and we are both facing each other on our sides. Once again, his blue eyes seem to distract me with their little sparkle of humor. In the same instant, our lips come into contact with each other. _This is wrong._ I break the kiss, start crying, and run away.

Jerome's POV

_ I can't believe I actually kissed her! What a fool I am! She's not into me that way. I mean, why else would she have run off crying? But… she kissed back. Maybe she does like me. I need to comfort her._

"Mara?" _Silence._

I push open the door to her room. "Mara please. I-I'm sorry."

"Just leave me alone," Mara sobs.

"I didn't mean to kiss you. I just lost myself in your beauty… I'm sorry." I leave with those parting words. When I close the door, I whisper, "I love you Mara," and walk back to my room.

Mara's POV

_I never thought that the world hated me. I was always the top student; I even had the best boyfriend I could ever want._ Had. _The word that haunts me. Why me? What have I ever done? But, I cannot change the past; I can only embrace the future. A sad, cold, lonely future destined for me for eternity. I didn't deserve this. No one deserves this. It has left a scar on me that will_ never _go away… but everyone says, "Never Say Never". But in this case, never is the right word to use._

I walk out of my room the next morning and head to the breakfast table. I reach the table and I hear many gasps. The loudest coming from Jerome.

"What are you staring at?" I smirk.

"Mara, what happened?" Patricia asks.

"What, this?" I point to my completely black shoes, hair, nails, eyeliner/mascara/lipstick/contacts, and clothing. "It's just the new me."

_Silence._

I grab a banana and walk out of the room. I head back upstairs and look in the mirror in the bathroom. I straighten my hair. I look at the reflection again. _Something's missing._ There are scissors on the counter next to me, so I grab them. _What to do… what to do…? Perfect!_ I lift the scissors, then bring them back down and set them on the counter. _No. …Maybe just the bangs?_ I grab the scissors again and style my hair differently: bangs over one eye.

I finish getting ready and head for school. As I walk down the hall, I feel the eyes of the entire student body on me. I give them all death glares as I walk past.

* * *

"Ms. Jaffray! There is no scribbling on the desks! Go down to the principal's office immediately!" the teacher yells.

The class quietly murmurs as I calmly put my feet on the desk and say, "No."

The teacher's face gets red with anger. "Ms. Jaffray, go down to the principal's office now or you get a month's worth of detention!"

"I'm sorry did you say something? I couldn't quite catch that," my usually sweet voice dripped with sarcasm and disgust. I fist pound Patricia while the class erupts into laughter except for Jerome, Nina, and Fabian.

* * *

"Do _not_ make me repeat myself Ms. Jaffray," says a red-faced Mr. Sweet.

"Sweety, I have no idea what you are talking about," I innocently say.

Mr. Sweet sighs and scribbles on a piece of paper. He reluctantly hands me the piece of paper. "I thought better of you, Mara. You were an ace student. I'm afraid you may be suspended from the rest of the activities if this continues. Now, carry on. Go back to class." Mr. Sweet dismisses me with a wave.

_Knock, Knock, Knock. _I open the door just a crack. There stands Jerome. I slam the door closed and lean against the door in case he tries to open it. _BANG!_ Jerome rams into the door and sends me flying to the floor. It doesn't hurt much; since Jerome caught me before I hit the ground too hard.

He leads me to my bed and makes me sit. He looks at me with an I-am-not-amused look.

"What were you thinking?! Why would you change your appearance like this?!" Jerome bellows.

I stay silent.

"Answer me Mara!"

"Get. Out. Now." I say, hatred dripping off every syllable.

"No." He kneels in front of my and tries to take my hands. I quickly move them away.

"You can't keep living like this. Stop lying to yourself. That's not the Mara I know." Jerome hesitates. After a few seconds he adds, "That's not the Mara I love."

His words made me freeze. Tears start to fall. I don't know if I should hit him or kiss him. _Maybe both?_ I wipe my eyes and face him.

"Face it, Mara. You are in distress. I can feel it inside of you. It's like, I don't know, it's like I can feel what is happening to you and as you dive deeper, I feel like…" Jerome stops talking and looks at me with his big, beautiful, pleading eyes. "I feel lost without you. Won't you come back? Won't you come back… to me?"

When I stay silent, Jerome sighs and stands up. He turns to leave, but he can't. I won't let him! I grab him by the wrist and quietly whisper, "Don't leave me."

"Wasn't planning on it."

Jerome leans down and kisses me. His lips are very soft and gentle. The kiss is over too soon. I release my hold on his arm, put my hands in my lap, and stare at them. I hear another sigh. "I've got to go downstairs and eat supper. I'll be back later." The last thing I hear is a door closing. I lean back on my pillow and bury my face in it. Pretty soon the whole pillow is soaked with my tears. I finally stop crying and fall into a restless sleep.

_I am in a beautiful field. I can see many different types of wildflowers growing near me. I can name a few common flowers: tulips, roses, and lilacs. They are all beautiful. A figure hovers over me. No, it's two. Now it's three! I look into their faces: Jerome, sad and full of hatred. _Is he mad at me? _Next, Mick. There is blood everywhere. I am afraid to look at the next figure, but I can't stop myself. Rufus. His eyes are cold as ice. His profile: caked with blood._

_I scour the fields around me. The beautiful blossoms transform into disgusting blood-red vines. The vines circle me and trap me. I struggle, but they just get tighter. And tighter. And tighter._

_So this is how it ends. With the three faces that I have corrupted. My darling Mick, so innocent. Jerome, the school's joker who had his heart broken. And Zeno, the man who tried to kill us all, only to fail because of one small, fragile girl. _

_I can't breathe. The vines find their way to my throat. I take one last, shuddering breath and close my eyes. I welcome the death that awaits me._

"Mara? Mara!" someone's shaking me. I groggily open my eyes to see Jerome. "Oh thank God! You're awake!"

"Jerome? What happened?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"After supper, I came up here to check on you. You weren't breathing. You were still in your room so I came to see if you were doing all right. Thank God you are safe!" Jerome hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, the nose, the forehead. But not my lips.

I reach up to cup his face with my hand. I bring his head down and kiss him long and hard. "Thank you," I whisper. I kiss him again, and again, and again.


End file.
